Forgiveness can be tough. Here’s why we must do it

By Sodwana Bay

CS Lewis once described “thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” as the most unpopular of the Christian virtues because in Christian terms “neighbour” encompasses enemies and because of this the command requires that we forgive our enemies. If you’ve ever had to forgive someone for doing something that really hurt you then you’ll most likely be able to understand where CS Lewis was coming from. Forgiveness isn’t easy among the best of friends, let alone the worst of enemies. The act of forgiveness defines so much of the Christian faith and the thought of what Jesus did so that our sins could be forgiven is overwhelming and inspirational. But process isn’t always viewed as this positive when we have to forgive someone for how they’ve wronged us. The parable of the unmerciful servant holds a mirror up to how we can act when we have to forgive someone. The servant whose debt is cancelled by the King has had an amazing gift bestowed upon him. He has been set free from an enormous and incomprehensible debt. But this same same servant showed no mercy to another who owed him a debt which was insignificant in comparison to the one that he had previously owed the King. The sins that others commit against us can feel anything but insignificant at the time but what the story reminds us that we too have sinned and been forgiven at a cost. God’s grace provides us with the perfect guide on which to model how we forgive others. What we learn from what Jesus teaches us about forgiveness is that true forgiveness knows no bounds, it doesn’t run out and we receive it even though we don’t deserve it. Jesus ended the parable with, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart,” (Matthew 18:35). Here we’re reminded that love is at the centre of this act. To truly forgive someone we have to abandon all hopes and wants of exacting revenge and do away with our tally of their wrongdoings. Forgiving someone can be an extremely difficult thing to do and it can take a long time before we work up the spiritual strength to do so. Meditating on God’s grace and praying for the power to forgive can help us reach a point where we are able to wipe the slate clean. Thinking about how we’ve been forgiven is instrumental in understanding and working towards forgiving others. The impact that forgiving someone can have on our frame of mind, spirituality, physical health and our relationships is phenomenal. We don’t always realise but holding bitter thoughts or resentment towards another person can have devastating affects on our wellbeing. Not only does the act of forgiveness help set us free, but as forgiven people we have a duty to forgive others.


The 12 apostles: Myth or reality? Why we can still believe the Bible

By Sodwana Bay

Last month my esteemed Christian Today colleague Martin Saunders wrote a piece about the “three words that could save the internet (and make you happier)” – an irresistible headline that turned out to refer to “Be Kind Online”. “It feels good to help each other, to encourage, build up; shine a light into someone’s day,” he wrote. I’ve tried, I honestly have. And in writing about a National Geographic author interview with someone who’s written a book about the 12 apostles, I will make a titanic effort not to say exactly what I think about the editorial policy that lets such books into print. The work itself, Apostle, isn’t out till next month, so I haven’t read it. Normally, therefore, I wouldn’t comment on it. However, by giving an interview to the Nat Geog, author Tom Bissell has made himself fair game. Bissell, a lapsed Catholic, set off “to discover whether the Twelve Apostles were actual historical figures or merely characters in a fictional story”. His idea of historical research is to walk the 500-mile Camino de Santiago pilgrim route in Spain, visit the place where Judas reportedly hanged himself, and hunt (in vain) for a mysterious monastery in Kyrgyzstan where Matthew is supposed to be buried. He admits one of the greatest inspirations for the book is Monty Python’s Life of Brian. He tells the interviewer: “A couple of the names recorded in the New Testament are probably actual people. There was probably a Peter and a John, definitely a James (the brother of Jesus), and probably a Thomas. Beyond that, there’s nothing historical that verifies their existence other than the gospels themselves. So I think they’re a mixture of fact and fiction.” The trouble is that this might equally well be said of Bissell’s book. He tells us, for instance, that James, the brother of Jesus, “definitely existed”, but uses contested evidence from the Jewish historian Josephus to back up his claim. He asserts, on no evidence whatsoever, that James was Jesus’ older brother and that this “confounds everything orthodox Christians accept about the virgin birth”. Of the infamous “James Ossuary” which supposedly contained his bones, he says: “I’ve not seen the ossuary and I’m not a trained archaeologist, but I’m perfectly willing to believe that James could have had a secreted away tomb, with an ossuary.” But it’s in his comment about what would “verify the existence” of the apostles that he shows his hand, and a pretty poor one it is. For something to be “true”, he says, it has to be confirmed by a secular – and therefore rigorously factual, unbiased and trustworthy – account. If it’s only in the Bible, you can safely assume it’s fiction. All we have to go on is the interview, and the book might be full of far more detailed analysis, but I doubt it. So here are my gripes about this kind of writing, which has more in common with Dan Brown than with any serious historical research. 1. It fails to take the Bible seriously as history. Bissell – and plenty of others like him – have decided the apostles probably didn’t exist on grounds that would also rule out the existence of Jesus and Paul. If you’re going to pick and choose what you believe, at least be honest and say that’s what you’re doing. 2. It’s bad history. Anyone who blithely asserts that James was the elder brother of Jesus and so this disproves the doctrine of the Virgin Birth is not a serious historian. 3. It privileges the secular over the sacred. It assumes ‘real’ history comes from outside the Bible; anything in it is automatically suspect. But granting – as Bissell himself does – that these stories were shaped toward an end rather than being bald narrations of fact, the idea that the authors would simply have invented whole chunks of narrative just doesn’t hold water. They were concerned for the truth. We might, depending on our theory of biblical inspiration, accept they made mistakes; accepting they told lies is a different thing altogether. 4. It appears to argue from the insecurity of later traditions about the apostles to their non-existence at all. But if Bissell goes to Santiago de Compostella and finds no evidence James was there (it’s not clear from the interview), this says nothing about the existence of James. Ditto if he goes to Kyrgyzstan and finds no evidence for Matthew. There’s no earthly reason why he should, and the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Most Christians are perfectly at ease with biblical criticism and with the idea that the Bible can be analysed in terms of how and when it was written. Things aren’t always as they seem, we know that. The last 200 years has seen the Bible comprehensively taken apart. But it’s also seen it put back together, as well, and the onus is still on those who doubt the fundamental reliability of the New Testament stories to prove their case. In fact, nothing’s more likely than that the minor characters in the Gospel story should have disappeared. The story is not about them, it’s about Jesus. A far more interesting question than why most of the apostles faded out of history is, why Jesus has not.


4 exemplary wives shown in the Bible

By Sodwana Bay

The Bible is decorated with stories of ordinary people who exemplified extraordinary courage, character and faith through the lives that they lived. The examples that many Bible characters gave included living out a life of faith and excellence as leaders, parents, children, and even as wives. God likens a relationship between a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and the church. He gives solid guidelines and clear principles on how a woman is to respond to God’s grace and, as a result, she will live out a life honoring God through being a blessing to her husband and other people around her. God is not just calling women to be exemplary women in the workplace, as parents or as church leaders. He is also calling women to be great examples of faith by being a blessing to their husbands. The key to being exemplary wives is by relying on God’s love and grace and being filled with His joy and love so that she will be a channel of it to others. Here are four biblical examples of exemplary wives. Ruth Although single for a majority of the storyline, Ruth would become a bride that Boaz would be proud of. She exemplified extreme trust and loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi, and extreme hard work and perseverance. Esther The Queen Esther embodied true courage that comes only through the power of God. In boldness, she stood before the king to plead with him to lift a sentence that would eradicate all of her people even if it meant danger to her own life. She also showed great respect for her husband, the King Ahasuerus, by not judging him for making the wrong decisions. Sarah Imagine one day your husband telling you to pack all of your things and resign from all your endeavours because he was going to take you and all you own to a place that he has never even heard of. This is what Sarah had to go through, and with great faith she submitted herself to her husband, Abraham. Though she wasn’t always perfect, she remained faithful to her husband and to her God. Priscilla The wife of Aquila, Priscilla is one of the key reasons why the early church flourished and grew. A businesswoman by profession, Priscilla responded to the call of God to participate in the work of spreading the gospel by participating in various missions trips. Priscilla and Aquila were referred to by Paul as “fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their necks for my life,” showing great loyalty to the church and to the work of Jesus Christ.


Does God allow divorce? What did Jesus say about divorce?

By Sodwana Bay

“…and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:5-6 The Pharisees in Jesus’ time often followed Him around asking Him questions. However, it was not that their motivation was to learn from Him, in fact they had a malicious intent; to try to find a way to catch Him out, corner Him and ultimately have Him killed. One question that the Pharisees once threw at Jesus concerned grounds for divorce. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” citing a civil command from Moses allowing divorce at the time that the Israelites were wandering in the desert, making their way to Canaan Land. Jesus as always had the best answer, and one that drew out truth from the root. I can’t encompass all cases and considerations, but we can lay some groundwork together and build a strong basis and foundation that will hopefully help each one of us come up with our own God-honoring stands when the time is right. God’s plan was perfect To truly understand marriage, we should stop using the 21st century as the basis of reasoning because our world today has been messed up and twisted by sin and selfishness. We are to always look at things with God’s original and pure plan as the foundation of our reasoning. In Matthew 19:8, Jesus answered, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” God’s perfect and unstained plan for marriage was to be between a man and a woman for the rest of their lives, unhindered and blessed. We messed it up “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.” What Jesus was saying here was, “I made marriage perfect, I gave you all authority to nurture it and stepped back to let you handle it, and you messed it up.” It’s not God’s fault that marriages today are broken. God’s original plan has been distorted by the sin of man. Infidelity, selfish motives, lying, deceit, violent behavior and a long account of marriage-breaking mistakes cause separation, and we must remember, God is not the one who acts this way. We do. There is grace Though grace must never be an excuse to sin, it does have the immeasurable power to give pardon to a measure of mistakes. He also gives grace to reconcile broken relationships, and gives even more grace to help us make sure that we never have to break relationships again if only we trust in Him to take control. Does God allow divorce? We can understand from the Bible that in certain extreme instances it may be the best solution, because of our sins and imperfections (because our “hearts are hard”), but it was never God’s plan for their to be divorce, and it was never God’s idea for marriages to be broken. It was our idea. But God in His graciousness finds a way to love us still and help us experience His love today.


6 Bible verses on spiritual renewal for Christians

By Sodwana Bay

As we enter a new month, our minds tend to turn to fresh starts. This focus on renewal and new life is especially common in the lead up to spring. By now, our New Year’s resolutions may have all finally fallen by the wayside but the start of a new month can provide us with the impetus we need to try again, make a fresh start and feel renewed. But we don’t have to wait for a new year, new month or even a new day to affect change, experience change in our lives and leave our old ways and bad habits behind. One of the benefits of accepting Jesus as our saviour is the promise of spiritual renewal. Making changes to our lifestyles can be difficult and this is why we put them off for as long as we can, and use the coming of a new calendar period to spur us on. But to truly change we have to be different, we can’t rely on a new calendar period to secure change in our lives. Instead of focusing on how we can improve ourselves if we commit to Jesus we will find that he improves and renews us. Below are some of the verses that touch on what being renewed means for Christians. Psalm 51:10 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Romans 12:2 – Do not conform to the parer of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. 2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! Ephesians 4:22-24 – You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Colossians 3:9-10 – Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge the image of its Creator. Titus 3:5-6 – He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Sprit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour.


Three questions to ask when God seems silent

By Sodwana Bay

Moses heard God’s voice through a burning bush. Elijah heard it as a whisper. The prophet Samuel heard an audible voice, and the disciples heard it as thunder. God is a communicating God and uses a variety of ways to speak to us. But while we may celebrate in times of answered prayer, sooner or later we must face an opposite truth: sometimes God is silent too. For ten years my wife and I tried to start a family. During that time we sought God diligently through prayer. But the dreamt-of child never came. While God has turned that around for good, what was most perplexing was God’s silence on the matter. We heard him speak on other things during that time, but never about our pursuit of a family. Even having God say No to us would’ve been a mercy in the end, saving us much heartache. But all we got was silence. I don’t know why God speaks clearly sometimes and not others. But I have since learnt to ask three questions when he seems silent to us. 1. Am I shouting too loud to hear him? CS Lewis’s raw, vulnerable words in A Grief Observed speak for many on the topic of God’s silence. Writing shortly after losing his wife Joy he said: ‘Meanwhile, where is God? …go to him when your need is desperate, when all other help is in vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence.’ Lewis expresses the frustration of those who seek God but hear nothing. But Lewis’ mood changed as he journeyed through the grief process. Describing his experience as like a drowning man who couldn’t be helped because of his frantic clutching and grabbing, he finally reflected: ‘Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.’ Just as the world’s clamour can drown out the voice of God, so can the noise of the heart – the sadness, confusion, angst, anger, and the frantic ‘Answer me!’ shouts of our prayers. As Lewis discovered, sometimes these emotions must be allowed to ebb before we can hear God again. He’s ready to speak, we’re just not ready to listen. 2. Do I want God or only his gifts? Christian scripture is beautifully authentic; it covers both the joys and the frustrations of walking with God, and the problem of divine silence isn’t airbrushed out. We’re told Israel experienced it (1 Samuel 3:1), as did biblical greats like Job and Asaph (Job 23:1-9; Psalm 77:1-9). ‘Do not turn a deaf ear to me,’ David prayed during his own experience of God’s silence (Psalm 28:1). ‘Why do you hide when I am in trouble?’ (Psalm 10:1). When we know that the heroes of the faith wrestle too, we can take some comfort. We can also follow their example. While these saints express in unvarnished terms their dismay at God’s silence, they don’t walk away. They may have tears in their eyes, but they keep looking heavenward. They may rant and rave, but they stay in the room. God’s silence has a way of testing whether we want him or just his gifts. If he doesn’t come through with the guidance, healing, or breakthrough we seek, will we still follow him? A friend of mine is going through one of the worst seasons imaginable. The suicide of one family member was followed by the death of another, then a third member getting critically ill. ‘I’m not hearing from God at all right now,’ he told me, ‘and neither do I feel God’s presence. At the moment I’m living by what I believe to be true of God, not my feelings about him. And despite everything, I still believe he’s good.’ My friend is staying in the room. He wants God, not just God’s gifts. 3. Have I really heard what he’s already said? Jesus was silent once, in a way that baffled everyone. It happened as he was teaching in the Temple one day. Having enthralled the crowd with his words, he had suddenly stopped, stooped down, and begun scribbling on the ground. ‘The law of Moses says to stone her,’ angry voices around him shouted. ‘What do you say?’ (John 8:5). But Jesus had stayed as silent as the shamed and shivering woman standing half-naked before them all. When Jesus finally broke his silence it was brief. ‘All right,’ he’d said, ‘but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!’ (8:7). Then he’d looked back to the ground, wordless once more. Silence, a few words, then silence again. One by one, people drifted away, those few words of Jesus ringing loudly in their ears. What is God doing during his periods of silence? Preparing the answer to our prayers? Maybe. Testing the depth of our devotion? Probably. But Jesus’ encounter with the woman caught in adultery shows us something else about God’s silence: Jesus may not have spoken, but he was there. God’s silence doesn’t mean his absence. And his lengthy pauses were meant to ensure his audience really heard what he’d already said. When God is quiet to us we can ask: what did God last say that I need to remember or act on? God doesn’t stay silent forever. He ultimately spoke to Israel and to Job. The morning finally dawned for Asaph and David. My wife and I may never know why God remained silent to our request for a child, but he’s spoken to us since. And amid all the remaining questions I believe this: Sometimes God is speaking and we just can’t hear him. And sometimes he stays silent so we’ll act on what he’s already said. And every moment of silence asks us if he’s really worth following, even if we don’t get what we ask for. I have so much to learn but still believe the answer to that is Yes.