Excitement, Worry and Fear?
Excitement, Worry and Fear?
Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.”
I am currently 29 weeks and 4 days pregnant…
Wow, what a journey it has been so far. I always wanted to have kids and entertained the thoughts of what pregnant life would be like. All the glamour of baby showers, setting up a baby room getting regular ultrasounds, the exciting part of finding out if baby is a boy or girl etc.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think 7 months and 1 week would be so terrifying and a nightmare come true! Don’t get me wrong pregnancy has its perks such as me carrying small, people are still so shocked to know I am pregnant when they see me in person and even more shocked when I tell them how far along I am! My pregnancy has been pretty standard I think? A few aches and pains here and there, growing baby, baby started kicking at just the right time. As far as we know my body and the baby seem to tell me everything is still ok?
But that is not what makes this pregnancy a nightmare. I love been pregnant feeling babies kicks and movements day after day. But unfortunately stress takes a lot away from what should be the most exciting time of my life.
Deuteronomy 31:8 “He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Last year 19 August 2020 a drunk driver quite literally came crashing into our lives destroying all our hopes, dreams and looking back on it now our little perfect world! I won’t go into detail about our car crash besides to say that injuring your hip right before you get pregnant is not such a good idea if you can’t fix the problem! Unfortunately during the car crash something hit my car seat so hard it twisted my seat, luckily I was wearing my seatbelt, but unfortunately whatever twisted my seat also forced my seatbelt to nearly crush my right hip. Which sometimes even now causes severe pain if baby goes to lie on just the right spot and also causes discomfort at night since pregnant women should not lie or sleep on their backs especially in 3rd Trimester!
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Fast forward nearly 9 months. About 2 months after the car crash, a miracle happened! I had a menstrual period non-stop for 6-7 months already. Living so far from everything we never bothered going to a doctor and just blamed it on my irregular period I had always had (Yes I know irresponsible. Blame it on Covid!) I conceived a baby on the 27th of September 2020. How do we know it’s so accurate is that this was the very first time I had stopped bleeding since I started my endless cycle!
Fast forward 7 months later! Babies due date is drawing closer. Anticipation of arrival is creeping up more and more day by day. Little ones due date is 18 July 2021 although our health care workers tell us we should be ready anytime from the 1st of July – 2 months left! I am so excited to meet our little blessing, although sadly we will only know the sex of baby when he/she is born because in rural areas like Sodwana Bay the hospitals only believe in doing dating and emergency ultrasounds! So this will be a super exciting surprise when the day comes to know if a boy or girl has been eagerly waiting to meet us!
Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”
My biggest worry would be we don’t have a car and live very far from the nearest hospital with no support system and no transport! So yeah, I think we could consider how do most Zulus get to hospitals and have babies etc… But imagine growing up in a city with a car and always been able to be self reliant, just for all that to be taken away in a blink of an eye and then to get the most amazing surprise of your life that a little blessing with huge responsibilities attached is on its way!
The final key word here would be Fear! My biggest fear is not getting to the hospital on time. So far God has really protected me from a complicated pregnancy and all seems to be going well so far! Unfortunately, my mom did have a complicated birth with me and I fear the same will happen to me, the worst fear I have is never been able to hold our little one or not been around to watch him/her grow up because of complications. But when I get these deep dark thoughts I just turn and thank God that He gave us this little blessing and that He will make sure all of us make it through these very trying times!
